tamarind
on the brown laquer of the
seed is engraved
a small sun--
the rays of the corona hair fine
the seed woods clatter brightly in
my hand like polished
stones or divining bones they speak
like teeth to the
tongue
things only mouths
can eat
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2 comments:
i love the sense of syncopating rhythms from line to line, the jarring line breaks or lack of in some lines. i feel that this rhythm drives the image of clattering tamarind seeds really well...sounds like usage of "teeth" "speak" have long vowels but abrupt consonants that bookend them. maybe one suggestion, not sure if it's a good one: hyphen between "tongue" and "thing?" makes an interesting pause in the last two lines and makes me stop thinking of "the TONGUE THING!" dum dum dum...
ahh, souka souka
i meant to have a line break there, i think, 'cause i take a breath between "tongue" and "teeth" each time i read it. thanks!
it's just a silly poem i was thinking of after working on the weird persephone ones...
<3
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