Monday, November 12

le revision

so, this time, a little exposition. in japan there exists this idea of Chindōgu (read more here): an invention that really has no practical, everyday purpose. think along the lines of hats designed to help you sleep on the subway--they have suction cups at the back, so you can attach them to the train windows and keep your head straight while you sleep. or, little feather duster socks for your cats, so they can clean the floor as they walk. completely silly, yet oddly functional.

anyway, the mindset is such that inventing or designing these "unuseless" objects is not considered ineffectual; rather, that sort of creativity is encouraged-- and there's something uncanny (and frightening) of hiding behind a sheet painted to look like a vending machine. it sort of brings me back to when i was little: i would enjoy the feeling of being scared, of finding an obvious place to hide (in the shower behind the curtain; in my mother's armoire, past the coats). everyone knew i was there, but it was comforting and scary at once.
_____________________________________________________________________

"fearing street crime, japanese wear the hiding place"

not useless
the transformation from dress
to machine.
her woman's hair a
mushroom cloud aimed at deflecting
the glance of an eye,
both----

the red skirt folds out to
the shine of cheap plastic
she stands still behind--
and they walk by.
if they walk by they do
not see the shake of her
hand, the shoes poking
underneath the painted sheet
with windows flat and shining as
eyes,
but blind.

1 comment:

ablefires said...

great revisions. it reads so much more smoothly now. the second stanza is perfect - my most favorite part is the repetition of "they walk by" and then the striking line break after "they do." i feel as if i still am craving more at the two lines "the glance of an eye,/ both --" i feel as if something needs to be sharper, clearer. maybe you can play around with "both" because there is a slight disconnect between the eye and what is meant by "both" - even maybe "both eyes" might serve to sharpen the image while relaxing the rhythm. hmm, i dunno. i wonder what you think about those two lines.