Saturday, October 27

bargle

poems titled rain

filth falls.

the streets are sodden
with squeaks of
shoes and clumps
of paper
fraying
in defeat.

at the door, the girl
in disgust, hair
clung with clear pearls, with
strident mouth

shakes the memory
OUT

1 comment:

ablefires said...

interesting revisions. couple things: "fraying from fatigue" might be a little heavy with the alliteration. i've tried to say it 5 times to myself just now. maybe something like..."clumps/ of tired paper fraying something-something?" play around with that line. i like the revisions in the 3rd stanza. interesting cl sounds throughout.