such an interesting repetition of the long "o" sound. i especially love the repetition of the word "old" in bith sound and in visual structure as the last word of two lines. is "over takes" supposed to be two words or one? i was a little thrown off because i first separated the two words and read "cold-over takes." also, great last stanza, not only interesting because of the language but because in the space between the first and second stanzas there is an invisible kind of unsaid action, or unsaid sequence that links the image of these stands with an alarming close-up of what is being sold in the stands. it's like suddenly being presented of a detailed snapshot of something after having zoomed over the panorama of a city. one suggestion that may be interesting: maybe you can title it something to do with Rome and then start the poem with "cold overtakes the old/ city..." to make the poem even more miniature and compact and not have to repeat the notion of an old city, which rome immediately calls up anyway. cool beans!
i was trolling through the slideshows on the nytimes website and they had this great feature called "autumn in 8 european cities." (i recommend looking at all the pretty pictures, btw) and a picture of rome caught my eye.
interesting that "old city" is taken as describing the entirety of rome- i meant it as the article does: the old part of the city. but i completely see your point. this poem just wants to be a miniature painting in 2 parts, doesn't it?
it'll be interesting to find a creative title for this (and not just "autumn in rome")
2 comments:
such an interesting repetition of the long "o" sound. i especially love the repetition of the word "old" in bith sound and in visual structure as the last word of two lines. is "over takes" supposed to be two words or one? i was a little thrown off because i first separated the two words and read "cold-over takes." also, great last stanza, not only interesting because of the language but because in the space between the first and second stanzas there is an invisible kind of unsaid action, or unsaid sequence that links the image of these stands with an alarming close-up of what is being sold in the stands. it's like suddenly being presented of a detailed snapshot of something after having zoomed over the panorama of a city. one suggestion that may be interesting: maybe you can title it something to do with Rome and then start the poem with "cold overtakes the old/ city..." to make the poem even more miniature and compact and not have to repeat the notion of an old city, which rome immediately calls up anyway. cool beans!
i'm glad you liked this poem. i even like it. heh
i was trolling through the slideshows on the nytimes website and they had this great feature called "autumn in 8 european cities." (i recommend looking at all the pretty pictures, btw) and a picture of rome caught my eye.
interesting that "old city" is taken as describing the entirety of rome- i meant it as the article does: the old part of the city. but i completely see your point. this poem just wants to be a miniature painting in 2 parts, doesn't it?
it'll be interesting to find a creative title for this (and not just "autumn in rome")
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