but, because i really should be working, i was looking at craigslist for some reason. the site has this feature called "missed connections", which is oddly captivating. people mostly empty their hearts out to strangers (or air) about someone who caught their eye that day. some of the posts are actually quite touching (y'know: along the lines of "i wanted to say hello, but i was so shy and you were so pretty"; that sort of thing)... anyway, i cobbled this together from the titles of the posts.
urban love story
i.
me in a taxi; you with friend.
you freezer-burned my heart.
you slapped me at the Met.
ii.
it doesn't matter what you remember
hey
our eyes met for a brief instant
(my treasure Vincent)
our eyes met and we smiled,
photographer girl who likes wind
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2 comments:
really interesting and refreshing experiment. great, humorous first part. i like the punctual onslaught of "you's." and the beginning of the 2nd part, the line which acts kind of like a semi-serious intermediary comment: "it doesn't matter what you remember" - half cheesy yet kind of sweet at the same time. what's my treasure vincent? i've been trying to play around with the order of the lines in the 2nd stanza, but i think i actually like it the way it is. suggestion for title: reminds me of a west-side story remake - maybe you don't need "urban" since it's very clearly urban in the first stanza, and i think calling it just "love story" might heighten the effect of the first stanza..or make it cheesy...or what about..."urban love?" play around with it =D
hehehe. i really loved writing this. so much fun! i think i may make this a recurring exercise. =)
the "my treasure vincent" was just the heading of a post. i have no bloody idea what it means. but i did like the slant rhyme b/w vincent and instant...maybe i should go back and find something else to go there. but i kind of liked that it doesn't make sense--like a loving interjection between these 2 people (who are, apparently, insane.)
maybe the title is just "love." (bleech)
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