one of my favorites, hands down. the best revision is "as they seep" because the last line kinda sorta echoes this line in sound and rhythm, so that the main resonant theme you can pick out (if this were like a piece of music, say) is "they seep..into strips." "as they seep" also un-confuses the use of "merchants" and makes it all the more striking. this is PERFECT. how 'bout a cute lil' title?
It's a splendidly oblique piece, suggesting that it is what it is and what it's not. And that, I suspect, is just the beginning of a reading. It shall mean so much else in a few months.
i have to think hard about titles, as i'm always tempted to forgo them entirely (too easy to just hand the interpretation to the reader on a platter)
hmm..."the ladder" in addition to the conspicuous going up/down metaphor, it's an interesting thought. ladders always seem to exist as bodies for me, with only vague ideas for base and the place they're attempting to reach.
as an exercise for titling poems, one of my favorite poets suggested stringing together interesting headlines or thoughts you'd had that day, just to see how much the well-matched title (and the ill-suited one) can influence the feeling of a poem.
although i think i'll need to move past "big bonuses on wall street. soon it will snow" and "i need to take a gap year"
4 comments:
one of my favorites, hands down. the best revision is "as they seep" because the last line kinda sorta echoes this line in sound and rhythm, so that the main resonant theme you can pick out (if this were like a piece of music, say) is "they seep..into strips." "as they seep" also un-confuses the use of "merchants" and makes it all the more striking. this is PERFECT. how 'bout a cute lil' title?
awww, thanks!
your suggestions from last time were spot on in helping me pare this thing down
but, i don't know what to title it. "depression" seems so melodramatic.
maybe "churchill speaks"
bwhahahah
An apt title for piece is THE LADDER.
It's a splendidly oblique piece, suggesting that it is what it is and what it's not. And that, I suspect, is just the beginning of a reading. It shall mean so much else in a few months.
Cheers.
Jay
i have to think hard about titles, as i'm always tempted to forgo them entirely (too easy to just hand the interpretation to the reader on a platter)
hmm..."the ladder"
in addition to the conspicuous going up/down metaphor, it's an interesting thought. ladders always seem to exist as bodies for me, with only vague ideas for base and the place they're attempting to reach.
as an exercise for titling poems, one of my favorite poets suggested stringing together interesting headlines or thoughts you'd had that day, just to see how much the well-matched title (and the ill-suited one) can influence the feeling of a poem.
although i think i'll need to move past "big bonuses on wall street. soon it will snow" and "i need to take a gap year"
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